You Need ANOTHER Fresh Start?

ML,

When you count 365 days, you can start on any day you want. The New Year is an excuse to indulge yourself, procrastinate, and clutch to that awkward habit you've just been "meaning to get rid of all year."

Okay, World, you win; let's start January 1, Yesterday, Day 1. That is, if anyone's even counting. I'm ready for you to pick up your feet. I'm ready for you to not only look at me, but to see me. I'm ready for you to realize those 10 pounds are not so important. I'm ready for you to make that call. I'm ready for you to not only open the door, but actually walk through it. I'm ready for your love. I'm ready for your honesty. I'm ready for second chances. I'm ready for that little extra effort you put under your pillow months ago. I'm ready for--after another 365 days--I'm ready for you to actually be ready.

2010? I'm ready, World, bring it on.

And All the Children of the World Threw Down Their Books and Cheered

ML,

I tried to hold water in my hands for too long; it's starting to leak through. She is disappointed in me. Disappointed to the point she doesn't bother telling me anymore. She knows it's just a waste of breath.

Time's Up! Now What Did We Learn?

Rocking, rocking, now crying

And I close my eyes so tight.

So why can he still see me?

I made a wish that cold night

But lonely wishes never—

And newfound courage never—

And the truest love never—

Never find their way home ‘til dawn.

I thought for myself today.

And for a single heartbeat,

I broke the fog and saw you,

But it swallowed you again.

And not the saddest cry could

Bring the moment back, lost, lost.

So I cried and cried and cried.

I should not think for myself.

All stories come to an end—

Some earlier than others.

Some cannot handle the pain:

Hearts must break or turn to stone,

So I forgive you…do you?

We all love, forgive, forget.

Remember me when you can,

Forgive, then, simply forget.

ML,

Her words brought back the tears my eyes had not tasted in years. They were familiar, yet forgotten. Vivid childhood images flashed from yesterday, and I sat petrified in my own...what was it...regret? No, more like shame. She came for my advice, my help, my comfort, but my craven bastard self could not give it, and I sat silent. There was literally nothing I could do for her, and I think she knew it.

Please finish this thought. I don't know if I can stand another nothing.

There's No Time for Dancing When You're Dying

"...and then I won't have to be scared anymore." I was so naive.

You pulled your hand out of mine, giving me a sad smile. A tear glistened on your left cheek, the first tear I had ever seen you cry. Then the sun finally succumbed to the night's demands, and you became shadows. Oh, how I wish I could have held you there, held you so damn tight that I anchored you to the light. Instead I closed my hand and looked away. When I looked back, you were gone. I'm not even sure if you can hold a shadow.

I go back to sit on that hillside every once in a while. Everytime I can get a moment away. I think back to that life I had, all those summer night tragedies ago. My life changed the day you left it. When I lay in the leaves, I think of you; only leaves know how to dry my tears. I drink my poison, living in the past, and with each thought I send your way, I feel myself pulled closer to you. I know the day will come when I will have the courage to see you again, but that really will be...some day. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can feel you brush my arm, and I take out that same sad smile you gave me all those years ago.


ML,
I didn't make a wish at 11:11. There's nothing more I could want.

Less Than Perfect

I remember she said there could be only less than perfect, for if something was truly perfect, then there was something wrong with it. I remember not understanding, not caring, because as far as I knew, she was perfect.

The apple at the top of the tree, the sweetest one I could never reach, finally fell, and I was not around to catch it. I will miss her, the girl in the green, and I can take solace only in the fact that my life is now beginning.

When she danced, I could not have her. I dreamed about thinking about her, and when I thought about her, my very life became a dream. Yes, oh yes, I knew she was perfect.

When she cried, I could not help her. She saved me, the girl in the green. She carried the darkness out of my cell, while I curled cravenly in the corner. She held me like she loved me, and for a second, I believed it. For that second, I knew all the world had stopped to witness love, love it had never seen before. But then she let go, and my arms passed through her like smoke...falling...and I could only watch.

Closing the book before the sad ending does not give it a happy ending. Now it's just a sad book without an ending, and isn't that the saddest of all? Hypothetically, of course...


ML,
I wasn't in the mood. What's to be done if you just aren't in the mood? Nothing.

This Mess

There are sad days for everyone, but these are the days to remember forever. We wear our troubles like iron necklaces.. can't you feel the weight? The shackles aren't locked, yet your desperate grip refuses to release. Let the chains slide from your fingers; you will find it surprisingly easy to leave them discarded on the floor. With the love that lies somewhere in this heart, I will live the hell out of these days to remember. I will live them like everyday is tomorrow, because who actually wants another chance at yesterday?